So here we are, the week before Christmas and about 12 days to my 2018 New Year’s resolution to be Sweet not Salty to my Bae of 21 years. If there are “Twelve Days of Christmas“, then I want each one of mine to count. I successfully posted my first blog post a few days ago “The Dirty Half-Dozen“, and today a frightening thought occurred to me. “What if people actually start looking at my blog👀?
Holy shit! I have chosen to disclose pieces of the deepest relationship I have ever known, and all of the flawed ways I exist in it. Having met my husband at 16, married by 18, even I am still shocked that we aren’t divorced. At a rate of 40-50% of marriages ending in divorce in the United States, according to an online article by the American Psychological Association, it really is that easy to imagine my marriage only ever stood half a chance at survival. I mean, my husband and I have both made our threats in the heat of the most repulsive of arguments. Yet, somehow we have always forgiven each other and moved forward. I may just be the luckiest woman in the world, or the most stupid, lol. What I do know for sure is that relationships are so hard if we make them such.
As I have begun researching all kinds of ways to be sweeter and how to stop myself from being so salty, I have also experienced a great deal of mixed emotions from nervousness to shame. I am nervous about the whole undertaking of keeping up with my resolution. I am honestly not sure if I’ve ever kept a daily resolution for an entire year, and here I am promising myself, my love, and you dear reader, that I will this time. My intention is to learn and put into practice as many ways as possible to be sweet not salty and blog about it every day for one year starting on January 1st, 2018. While you may be thinking, “Hasn’t the blog already started?” You would be correct, but it’s also only in the beginning stages until the big day arrives….so welcome to my relationship grind;)
I must also admit that putting the first six of my many bad habits on my first blog post was extremely embarrassing. You see, somehow I am more comfortable being my real damn self with people I see often. They have already had the opportunity to know me at my best before they ever see me at my worst. In the online platform, and to avoid prolonged introductions, I am getting down to the point quickly. No need for you to waste your time only seeing my good side, when it’s really my bad side that brought us here in the first place. Still, I am so ashamed to have ever had such a salty attitude with my love. He fell in love with my good heart not my bad vibes. Why on earth did I convince myself over the years that equal meant that I could be a pain in my husband’s ass if he were a pain in mine. I could say the most disgraceful things to him if he upset me in the slightest.
Therefore, there really is no time like the present. The ring of the new year calls to me, as I look forward to making these changes. Did I mention how much I love the holidays? Now I find myself singing, “Oh holy $h#!, my ways are finally changing. It is the truth that I’ve royally fucked up…”, in place of the usual “Oh Holy Night” lyrics. Click the link to practice your own karaoke version of it and enjoy, and feel free to make up your own lyrics this year.
Until next time,
‘Cause if your love looks like hate, it could be a mistake!